What is Sex?
by Novembertopaz
Summary: Harry goes to the teachers to ask about sex. Remus is the unlucky person who gets to enlighten him. Rate M solely because of mature conversation and I'm paranoid.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

**A/N: I couldn't resist. He's just so woefully innocent in my opinion, and I figure he had to learn about it at some point, but it never says. I love uncomfortable discussions. **

**Remus Lupin's Misfortune**

There was a knock on the staffroom door and everyone turned to stare at it in surprise, only students would knock and students coming to the staffroom was rare. The teachers had been relaxing after the official end of term before winter break having felt extremely worn out. It was just a handful of them really, the heads of house, Sinistra, Hooch and Remus. Thankfully Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen, not that he frequented the staffroom.

"Come in," McGonagall called out almost wearily. Remus still hadn't gotten used to calling any of them by their first names, not even Snape since he'd never called him Severus to begin with. The door opened in in came… Harry Potter with a piece of parchment and an air of uncertainty? "Is there something we can do for you Mr. Potter?" He hesitated and then squared his shoulders defiantly.

"I heard a word that I've never encountered before from one of the fifth years and I tried to look it up. When I asked Madam Pince after that didn't work she told me to ask a teacher." He stopped there once again looking as though he didn't know whether or not to proceed.

"Well, what word was it?" Sprout asked kindly. He bit his lip and seemed to steel himself.

"Sex," he said finally. Everyone froze and Remus wondered if they were as uncomfortable as he suddenly was.

"Have you asked Hermione?" McGonagall asked in a slightly higher voice than normal. He nodded.

"She blushed and told me to ask Ron, but…" He trailed off obviously embarrassed.

"And the dictionary didn't clear it up?" McGonagall clarified. He shook his head and looked at the parchment.

"It said sex is sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse, or, either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on a basis of their reproductive functions. I know what all of that means, but it doesn't make sense, so I thought if I looked up some other definitions and inserted them it might be clearer, and I looked up intercourse next. But sexual activity, including specifically sexual communication or dealings between individuals or a group didn't make much sense either. So I tried reproductive, which basically referred me to reproduction, so I combined the two, but either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on a basis of their relating to or effecting the action or process of making a copy of something functions made absolutely no sense whatsoever." He looked frustrated. No, it certainly didn't make sense when you put it that way. The adults all glanced at each other and Flitwick finally conjured different sized pencils and held them in his hand so they all looked to be the same size. Without question each stood up and grabbed one. McGonagall immediately sagged in relief as hers was obviously the longest. Sinistra and Sprout were in no danger either. Flitwick was in the middle, and Hooch's was longer than Remus's. Remus was relieved to see that Snape's was slightly smaller than his, but when Snape glared coldly at him and walked out of the room without a backward glance he gulped.

"We'll give you some privacy," Hooch said quickly and they all scrambled to vacate the danger zone. He slumped back into his seat and stared at the thirteen year old before him, cursing Sirius to the deepest pits of Hell for making him do something James and Lily should have done.

"Well, why don't you take a seat?" he said, his voice cracking so that he had to clear his throat. Harry sat next to him. "So, um, you know that boys' bodies are different than girls', right?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, I know older girls have things on their chest that boys don't," he said uncertainly. "What does this have to do with sex?"

"I'm sure it will become apparent as we go. Yes, older females have breasts, but there's more to it than that."

"They're called breasts?" he asked curiously. Remus blinked.

"Didn't your aunt ever…?" he asked uncomfortably, but it was Harry who squirmed and looked down in embarrassment.

"I'm… not allowed to ask questions…" he admitted as though it caused him pain to do so. Remus was aghast. How could they forbid a child from asking questions?

"Well, yes, they're called breasts," he said, more gently than before. "You know that what you have is called a penis though, right?" Harry stared at him blankly. "The part you use to urinate, it's called a penis," he explained trying to tamp down his anger that their rules had made him so ignorant of the human body. Harry looked surprised and almost as though he couldn't help himself glanced down at his pants. "Right, well, girls don't have those," he continued. Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. "They have what is called a – " he blushed as he forced himself to say the word, "vagina." Knowing already that Harry would have no idea what that was he summoned an anatomy book. That would make this so much easier. Opening it to a diagram he handed it over so that he could look his fill. It had both the female and male on display with each pertinent part labeled. Harry blinked as he looked it over and then his eyes widened.

"I still don't understand what this has to do with sex," he mumbled as his cheeks flushed and he handed the book back.

"Well, sexual intercourse occurs when you insert the penis in an erect state into the vagina, anus or mouth," he said trying to focus around whatever was slowly attempting to strangle him. "When the mouth is used it is referred to as oral sex, the anus as anal sex, and the vagina as vaginal sex. Each of these is considered penetrative sex, because penetration of the body occurs. Do you understand?" Harry nodded looking slightly horrified. "Sexual activity is used to refer also to manual stimulation, which means fondling of the breast or genitals with your hands. And, in the most prudent case, even kissing can be considered sexual in nature." The poor looked rather ill. "As for the other definition, I believe it was referring to the use of the word that corresponds to the word 'gender'. It means it is used to classify whether or not a person is male or female due to whether or not they possess a penis or the other parts I've mentioned." He took a deep breath. "Do you have any other questions?"

"Is it only a boy and girl, or…?" he asked hoarsely.

"No, there are women who prefer other women and men who prefer other men," he replied slowly wondering where the question had come from. Kids didn't generally think about that unless they saw it or heard it somewhere. "But your question brings up another subject I almost forgot. Sex is how babies are made. When a man reaches his climax his penis ejaculates semen which contains sperm. The sperm swim up to meet the eggs inside the woman's body, and on some occasions they meld together to form a baby which grows in the woman's uterus. It doesn't happen every time, and it is not possible in same sex relations, but it is always wise to use protection. They come in a variety of forms, from condoms to contraceptive spells. If you find yourself considering entering into a sexual relationship with anyone you should visit Madam Pomfrey or ask one of your upper classmen to show you." Harry nodded jerkily. "Is there anything else?" He shook his head vehemently.

"Thanks," he muttered as he got quickly to his feet and headed for the door.

"Any time," he said faintly and sagged back against his chair as the door closed. He was pretty sure his hair had grayed even more during that discussion.

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Harry entered the common room feeling as though his whole world had turned upside down. He ran into Hermione sitting in front of the fire, took one look at her, remembered the diagram, and turned around to head back out of the common room unable to face her knowing what he did now. His intentions were cut short when Fred and George came through with Lee trailing behind. Remembering that they were the reason he'd ever asked that stupid question in the first place he turned tail and ran up to his dormitory where he threw himself onto his bed, ignoring Ron and Neville who were already up there having nothing better to do with themselves, and drew his bed hangings closed around him before burying his face firmly in his pillow and trying to figure out how he would ever be able to look anyone in the eye again. It was just too much. At least now he knew why his pants got to tight whenever he fought with Malfoy… Maybe he could obliviate himself if he didn't feel better by morning…


End file.
